Operation: Vernon Dursley
by Long live the pickles
Summary: Harry has had enough of his horrible Uncle Vernon, so he decides to travel back in time to fix the problem.
1. SemiHarmless Curses That Go Undetected

**OWN NOTHIN! Please note I clearly stated, I own nothing and if you even so much as _consider_ sueing me for this fic, I shall set my minions on you. Yes I have minions. Their names are...Lemo...Cheesy...and Brooke...Don't make me set Brooke on you! She's really scary! I kid you not.**

**((Sorry Lemo and Cheesy if you're reading this...I had to improvise))**

**ANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNYYYYYYWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY On with the show!**

**Operation Vernon Dursley**

**Chapter one: 'Semi-Harmless Curses That Go Undetected'**

"POTTER! Get your ungrateful behind down here!" Aunt Petunia called, err...screamed.

Harry groaned and rolled over, he was a wizard and he still couldn't curse them all away and according to Dumbledore he had to be stuck with them every summer. He hated that old man at times. Okay, most of the time. Harry pulled himself up and dragged his feet along the floor, he was just about to reach for the door, when he had an idea. He ran over to his trunk and flipped the lid open, he then began rumaging through. Finally he found what he was looking for, his copy of 'Semi-Harmless Curses That Go Undetected - Undetected By The MoM'. It's title had intrigued Harry, he had found it in a dodgy looking book shop in Knockturn Alley, (Him and Ron had snuck in when Hermione and Mrs. Weasley weren't looking).

"BOY!" It was Uncle Vernon's turn to shout.

Harry began flipping through his book. Maybe there was something that - Harry stopped as one heading caught his eye. 'Ever wished something could be different? Well it could be! Just practise the Time Changing Charm!' Harry frowned he remembered Hermione saying in third year that time travelling was extremely dangerous...To the point when you could potentially change your whole future. That wasn't what Harry would call 'Semi Harmless', but just as he was about to turn the page he read the next line,

_Any drastic change will be undone. Once your desired change has become/became/been successful you will be sent back/forward to the time you came from._

Harry's jaw dropped, it sounded too good to be true. And even if he did cast the charm, what would he change. That's when it hit him, Aunt Petunia _hated_ witches and wizards, and Uncle Vernon probably didn't help her feelings towards them. So what if he went back and time and prevented them from meeting? It would certainly make his life easier. Infact, it would prevent a certain obese devil child from entering the world. Harry smiled to himself, life would be good. By the time Harry had read the whole page on the Time Changing Curse he was satisfied that if something was to go wrong he'd be covered. But what if went really wrong? What if he ended up with a worse Uncle?

"BOY! I WILL NOT ASK AGAIN, YOU GET YOUR ASS DOWN HERE NOW!"

"Worse than that? I think not..." Harry muttered, he raised his wand and began the charm...

**Please 'view!**

**LLP**


	2. Englebert Sommervault

**Chapter two: Englebert Sommervault**

After many moments of spinning, Harry found himself in the middle of a empty classroom. He wasn't sure what school it was, why he was here, what year it was or anything.

"Now, _why_ did I do this?" Harry moaned.

Suddenly a boy walked in, he was about fifteen. He was a little shorter than Harry, to be perfectly honest the boy looked like the loner type. When he spotted Harry he jumped and began stuttering,

"O-Oh, I'm S-Sorry! I-I-I didn't know a-a-anyone was g-g-going to be h-h-here!" He hiccuped.

Harry silently groaned, it was like a mini Quirrell,

"Nah, it's okay. Could you please tell me...What school am I in?"

The boy looked surprised and confused,

"I-Is that a t-t-trick question?"

"What! No..."

"Y-You w-won't hit me?"

"No...Why would I do-"

"Y-Y-Your at Hillridge H-H-High School!"

"I am?"

"Y-Y-Yes!" The boy twitched.

"Um...Thank-you..." In theory Harry must be at his Aunt Petunia's high school... "And...What year is it?" Harry had to figure all this out..."It's not a trick question and I'm not going to hit you!" He added.

"19-19-1981..."

"I'm in the 80s!"

"Y-Y-Yes sir..." The boy struck a feeble Saturday Night Fever pose.

"So my aunt must be about 17..." Harry muttered to himself, unfortunately the boy heard him,

"Your A-A-Aunt sir?"

Harry's eyes grew round, how was he supposed to cover up that,

"Yea, it's a new song...You know...By those people...With the tight pants...And big hair..."

The boy frowned,

"My p-p-parents don't l-l-let me listen to m-music...They s-s-say it's c-c-corrupting the minds of the y-youth of t-today!"

Harry took a step back, eyes wide,

"Um...Okay...Hey, do you know a Petunia Evans?"

The boy hiccuped again,

"Y-Y-Yes!" he squeaked, "One day we shall be married!"

"What!" Harry thought even Uncle Vernon would be better than mini Quirrell.

The boy shrugged,

"I-I-I've known her since kindergarden, s-s-she pretends to hate me. But d-d-deep down...She c-c-can't resist m-m-me..."

"Why are you telling me all this, you could've just said yes..."

"No! N-N-No one usually l-l-l-listens to m-m-me, it's good to h-h-have someone to t-t-talk to..."

"Um...Okay...So she goes here."

The boy nodded excitedly,

"S-S-So, will you s-s-sit with me at lunch?"

"What time is it?"

"It's p-p-playtime!"

"Excuse me?"

The boy blushed,

"_Morning T-t-tea_..."

"And where do we eat lunch?"

"T-T-the Cafeteria...Are y-y-you n-n-new?"

Harry nodded,

"So where is the office?"

"D-D-Down the end of t-t-the corridor!"

"Okay, thanks...?"

"Englebert S-s-sommervault! B-But you c-c-can call m-m-me Engles!"

"Well thanks Englebert..."

"_E-E-Engles_."

"Engles..." Harry backed slowly out of the room, "Well I better go to the office..."

"Do want to play a g-g-game of c-c-c-chess!"

Harry turned around and bolted,

"Sorry, I got to go!"

Englebert frowned, something was weird about that guy...Maybe he should start up his experiments up again, it seems there was something supernatural about that guy. Englebert slapped his forhead, he forgot to ask the boy for his name.


	3. Petunia the Shrew

**Okay people...I'm going to be honest with you. I couldn't be bothered updating for so long because I had only three reviews and thought no one cared... BUT THEN! I saw it had 9 alerts. So c'mon guys! Review and I'll be more inclined to update!**

**Chapter three: Petunia the Shrew**

Harry approached the receptionist, she was sitting back watching what looked like 'Open At All Hours', Harry was temporarily shocked, how did he know this? He didn't want to know...He cleared his throat loudly. The lady ignored him. He tried knocking on the window, still he was ignored.

"Oi! LADY!"

The receptionist looked up glaring,

"Yes?"

Harry blushed, he hadn't meant to be so rude...

"Um...I'm enrolling..."

"Where?"

Harry looked confused,

"Here."

The lady clicked her tongue impatiently and grabbed a small bundle of papers,

"Fill in these."

Harry looked at them in shock,

"_All_ of them?"

The lady looked at him,

"No. I'm just telling you this because I love to file these stupid pieces of crap."

Harry grinned sheepishly,

"I guessing that's sarcasism?"

"Congratulations."

Harry sighed, grabbed a pen and sat in a nearby chair and began ticking boxes.

XXXX

After ticking 'no' for question 104 (Have you ever had any charges pressed against you or your pet?) Harry heard a female voice speaking to the receptionist, he looked up.

"Well, well, well...Petunia Evans, been sent to the councillor _again_?"

"Oh shut up Rosie, I just so happen to be opinionated. There's no crime against that."

Rosie the receptionist stared at her,

"You have an opinion about everything. No wonder they call you a 'monstrous bitch.'"

Petunia glared at Rosie,

"Who says that?"

"Nearly every tramitised kid that walks through that door...Oh except for Sommervault and the chess club, but that lot are just strange..."

Petunia clicked her tongue,

"Well quite frankly I don't see why this is any of your business and I advise you to-"

"Miss. Evans! I see you have been sent to me again...Please come in..."

Petunia gave Rosie one last piercing glare and stepped into the councillors office. Harry hung his head, he was dealing with a shrew.


	4. First Encounter

**Hey, I've been told I should update no matter how many reviews I get, because some people don't know how to express themselves in a review. Well if you're one of those people then: I i'm not expecting a brilliant well-written review. I mean I'm ok with a 'Good story, update soon.' because you see, I have many stories I'm writing and prioritise. I think that one has been getting a lot of reviews, I better update that one soon or my head will be on the chopping block. Then I'll look at another one and see hardly any reviews and think ok that can be put off a little longer. so yea sorry**

**Also the shrew part and a portion of the next bit was inspired by the movie "10 things I hate about you"...**

**Chapter four: First Encounter**

As Harry ticked his final 'no' box for question 506 (Do you or do you plan to tattoo satanic symbols or signs anywhere on your person?), Petunia burst into the room once again, screaming

"I TOLD YOU!!! HE KICKED HIMSELF IN THE BALLS!!!

A stressed-out, eldery lady hobbled out of the office,

"Please, Petunia calm down. I'm not accusing you of anything."

"Yes, you are! Otherwise why are you trying to send me to your stupid anger management course?"

"It was merely a suggestion."

Petunia glared at her and was about to storm out of the room, until she caught Harry looking at her,

"Who are you?" She spat.

Harry blinked,

"Harry."

"Come," She ordered. Harry looked right and left for a way out. "Now," Petunia said.

Harry gulped, chucked his papers toward the receptionists window and followed after Petunia. As soon as they left the room, the councillor shook her head,

"Poor boy, he was new to the school too..."

The receptionist sighed as she shuffled Harry's enrollment forms,

"He was rude, but according to his paper's he looks like a good kid," she blew a bubble in her gum, "What do you think she's going to do to this one?"

"Well she's hasn't broken a right leg yet..."

The receptionist frowned,

"No, no she did. You know the Bon Jovi look alike?"

"Nope, that was a broken collarbone. Anyway I have more deviants to see, see you at lunch."

"See you Miss. Poller."

XxXxX

Harry followed Petunia into the classroom he had started in.

"Out, Sommervault," Petunia barked.

"M-m-m-y s-s-sw-weet Petunia!"

"_Out_," She pointed at the door.

Englebert pouted, hung his head and walked towards the door, he then turned around and looked at Harry,

"What w-w-was you name?"

Harry looked at Petunia, who shot him a warning look,

"Don't. He will make your life a living hell, by stalking you and requesting your hand in marriage. He-"

"I-I-I don't like b-b-boys!" Englebert protested, before Petunia pushed him out of the room and shut the door. She then spun around and smiled sweetly,

"Name?"

"Harry."

"Age?"

"Sixteen."

"And what the hell is your problem?"

"I don't have a problem."

Petunia narrowed her eyes, much like her future son's expression while watching television,

"Then why were you staring in the office?"

"I wasn't."

"Well, I already have a whole chess club pleading for dates, I don't want another member of the fan club."

Harry's jaw dropped, _'Argh, my aunt seems to think I was checking her out...'_

"Oh believe me, I won't be joining...Your not my type." _'I prefer non-family members who actually treat people with respect...'_

"Well then," Petunia kneed him in the groin and hissed, "Don't look at me again, you hear?"

"Loud and clear," Harry gasped, bent over.

Petunia turned on her heel and ripped open the door. An eavedropping Englebert fell to the floor, Petunia looked down at him in disgust,

"You disgust me," she kicked him and stormed off.

Harry collasped on the floor,

"I can't believe she was worse when she was younger..." he muttered to himself.

"Isn't she _w-w-wonderful_!" Englebert said from the doorway.

"It's not how I'd put it..." Harry groaned.


End file.
